If a person displays three or more of the following behaviors, there is a strong potential for emotional, physical or sexual abuse. The more of these behaviors they display, the more likely that person is to perpetrate abuse.
Jealousy – questions the victim about her conversations, accusations of flirting, jealous of time spent with family, friends or children, repeatedly checking on her whereabouts or asking friends to watch her.
Controlling Behavior – questioning where she went or who she talked to, controlling decisions regarding the house, clothing, or finances, restricting her ability to leave the house, excessive texting, calling or emailing.
Quick Relationship Involvement – comes on like a whirlwind, says “you’re the only person I can talk to” or “I’ve never loved anyone this much,” pressures the woman to commit.
Unrealistic Expectations – very dependent on the woman for all his needs, expects a perfect wife, mother, lover and friend, expects her to take care of everything involving their home and his emotions.
Isolation – attempts to cut the woman off from all her resources, accuses her supporters of “causing trouble,” restricts access to a car, or keeps her from working or going to school.
Blames Others for His Problems – chronically unemployed, someone is always “doing him wrong” or “out to get him,” blames the woman for his mistakes or anything that goes wrong.
Blames Others for His Feelings – uses his feelings to manipulate the woman – “you made me mad,” “you made me hit you,” “I can’t help being angry with you.”
Hypersensitivity – easily insulted, claims his feelings are hurt when he is really mad, takes slight set backs as a personal attack, rants and raves about the injustice of what has happened to him.
Cruelty to Animals or Children – punishes animals brutally or is insensitive to their pain or suffering, expects children to do things beyond their abilities, teases children until they cry, isolates children from the rest of the family.
Playful Use of Force in Sex – holds the woman down during sex, acts out fantasies where the woman is helpless, the idea of rape excites him, manipulates the woman into compliance, demands sex when she is ill or tired, unusual interest in or addiction to pornography.
Verbal Abuse – cruel or hurtful remarks, degrades the woman, diminishes accomplishments, name-calling, wakes her up to continue verbal abuse.
Rigid Sex Roles – expects a woman to serve him, insists she stay in the home at all times, he is the boss and she must obey him in all things, sees women as inferior to men.
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde – sudden changes in mood, nice one minute – then explodes the next. Nice outside of the home, convincing others he is charming and the perfect mate, but angry, defensive and critical behind closed doors. Friends often have a difficult time believing the same person could have such opposing behaviors.
Past Battering – has hit women in the past, but they “made him do it,” has a history of fighting or violence outside the family, record of trouble with the police.
Threats of Violence – any threats of physical force used to control the woman.
Breaking or Hitting Objects – used as punishment (breaking her possessions) or to terrorize the woman into submission.
Any Force During an Argument – holding a woman down, physically restraining her from leaving, pushing or shoving as a means of control.